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The 3 Rs and inflection point in a negotiation.....

Negotiation is the least spoken about but arguably the most critical part of life - be it work, personal or daily life. We negotiate all the time in our lives - with our parents, spouses, children, friends, business associates, bosses, and even total strangers. And without even knowing that its negotiation. We would have done it even as babies. Think about that! Why does a baby yell and scream when it wants something. Its negotiating..... tough and hard!! Ever get into a discussion as a kid with your dad or mom about running an errand and you asked (negotiated) for a reward.... maybe a few bucks to go out to the movies with friends or buy yourself a candy bar!! What about spouses? Ever had to talk her out of her "headache" and to get interested in... well.... er... you know what :-) !!!

We do this by instinct without quite giving it a name. And when we have to do this at work with our teams or with a customer, we suddenly give it a name and start to worry. We end up going to an expensive training program on Negotiating, we buy all the books on the subject and we still end up not doing such a good job. All we needed to do, possibly, was to go with our instincts and gut and telling ourselves we were born with this! That's the first lesson to learn in negotiation and let's call it Realise.


In spite of the above, we do find ourselves in situations sometimes that demands some tough negotiation and ever so suddenly, when we are most unprepared. There is a wonderful recent movie titled, The Taking of Pelham 123. Denzel Washington plays Garber, a train traffic controller in New York City Metro, who is suddenly and unexpectedly forced into a negotiation with an armed band of ruthless terrorists who have taken hostage a coach full of passengers. He keeps his cool, in spite of a lot of personal insults hurled at him by the leader of the terrorists, Ryder, played so comprehensively by John Travolta. All Garber does is to patiently draw Ryder into conversation on varied topics and collects several bits of information and data that finally helps him to beat Ryder and bring him to justice. So either prepare well in advance for a negotiation you know you will get into or be ready for a patient open-ended questioning to collect information and data and piece it all together before you start to put your cards on the table. This is the second lesson in negotiation and let's call it Revise.
Now you have goe into a negotiation well prepared and trusting your instincts and you are doing great. Now what happens?

There comes a time in the negotiation that is a defining moment. Unfortunately, it does not come and announce itself but does so for a short time. This is the most optimum win-win point for both sides. This is the point at which one of sides takes a flexible stance. When the other side sees and appreciates this, the negotiation comes to a successful and truly win-win closure. Unfortunately, almost always the other side fails to see this as flexibility but rather sees it as a weakness. This is the moment for wise counsel to prevail. If not, there is so much more to pay for either side. And the defining moment is gone..... forever.

Let me explain with some historical data. In Mahabharata, the defining moment comes when Krishna goes to negotiate on behalf of the Pandavas just before war begins. He pleads for just 5 villages to be given to the Pandavas so that the war may be avoided. The hard stance of Duryodhan, bereft of wise counsel, at this defining moment leads to an avoidable war, much loss of life and a Pyrrhic victory for the Pandavas. We see this as well in the Bible's Book of Exodus and Moses' plea to let his people go and the defining moment when the Pharoah orders, for want of wise counsel, the death of every first born of Israel.

Another real life example. A few years ago, during a negotiation, we accepted a certain price and pleaded with the other side to accept. Not seeing this as a good point to close, they refused to consider this "reasonable offer". What followed was four months of paper trails, intense negotiations highlighting the case and a slow hardening of our stand with a price much different from the "reasonable offer" that was turned down. Eventually, the matter was settled at a very different  price level after both sides realized that there was little choice left. They could have saved up to Rs. 10 million per annum by simply accepting the first offer. For want of a better pnemonic, let's call this Reprise, meaning repetition.

So remember these 3R's of negotiation and whatever you read in books or  learnfrom highly paid consultants, it is finally these 3R's that they will come back to!! Look out for the inflection points and remember that Negotiations are not just at work but also in our daily lives and many times with our dear ones. Give in a little…….. it never hurts.

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