We the people of India deserve a column, in my view, and hence this. While we are so diverse from North to South, East to West, the ethos we share across this 1 billion+ strong expanse are more or less the same and the bungle as well...... So if we can laugh at ourselves a lot more, I feel we will become a great country yet again but only faster. So I decided to compile some of our most interesting (stupid?) practices. It never surprises me how we are all so uncannily similar across these 3.2 million sq kilometers of spread. Here goes....
So you know you are in India if
1. housewives put toothpaste in their husband's and children's toothbrushes in the morning only to reduce paste consumption by the wonderfully unique and patentable "squeeze and pull" technqiue!!
2. you have at least one red+white hand-woven towel in your house
3. you always meld the last little "paper thin" piece of old bath-soap to the new one you just unwrapped
4. you always block the entrance to lifts to prevent people from getting off easily (also applies to buses or trains)
5. you know you are in India if, in a traffic jam, you always drive on the empty right lanes so that you can block traffic on the other side too.
6. you do the above almost compulsively at railway level-crossings.
7. you always keep honking in traffic jams (to see if you can move the vehicle in front of you by the sound energy emitted by your horn?!!)
8. you always bear to the right most lane of the road before taking a right turn (and zap out motorists coming from other direction or block traffic).
9. you always turn into the wrong lane (right side of the road) first before slowly settling into the correct lane.
10. you know you are in India if in a traffic light, you wait and watch the signal for the perpendicular road and not your own and take off as soon as the other signal turns amber. You even do this only when there are at least 2 cops at the junction. (When there are less, you simply don't stop for Red...... du--o!!!!)
11. you still give precise directions to gullible motorists even though you have no clue of how to get there.
12. you get angry at people who drive in the wrong lane during the day without their headlamps ON.
13. you drive in the centre of the road even on highways
14. you blame government, politicians or bureaucrats at least once each day for all your problems
15. you know you are in India if you believe you are passionate about the society and social problems because you donated 10 Rs to the local Ganesh Puja committee or for flag hoisting on Independence/R day in your colony.
16. you yell at someone loudly on your cellphone sitting in the middle seat of first row in an airplane to show you are a big boss somewhere.
17. you have to be told on each of your flights by the stewardess to put on ur seatbelts and put your seat upright before the flight takes off.
18. you go sit in the first row no matter what your seat number is on the plane.
19. you are eating dinner at 1 AM at a wedding reception (or having soup at the stroke of 12 midnite).
20. you know you are in India if you know that start time of reception printed on the invitation card is the time when the bride leaves for the beauty parlour.
21. you are at a funeral and you are smsing or emailing frenetically only b'cos it is impolite to speak on the phone.
22. you believe that corners of landings on a flight of stairs are for spitting (esp when you are chewing paan).
23. you believe every large tree on the highway is a public toilet.
24. you believe that hired car drivers don't need food or as much sleep as you do.
25. you know you are in India if the right of way on the roads is decided by the size of the vehicle and the inverse is universally true as regards culpability in a road accident.
26. you think that Sachin Tendulkar and cricket are famous even in remotest parts of Africa, South America and China.
27. if there are 2 queues for each counter and each claiming to be the real one.
28. you are looking for an address and are pleased to see the sequential numbering of houses on the street till somehow it ends in a blind alley just before you reach the one you are looking for. (It simply happens to be at a slightly different place but with the same street address!!!)
29. if you get paper napkins (with pink lines at the edges!!) at a restaurant and the napkins are made with "oil paper" and don't suck up anything but only spread the stuff you are trying to wipe off.
30. you know you are in India if even the poshest of restaurants have toilets somewhere around the back of the building and are always maintained at their dirtiest best.
I am certainly remiss in trying to generalise our beloved country and ourselves, its people, in just 30 points but I think you all get the general drift.... Feel free to add to this collection and make us laugh at ourselves a little more.............
Inner engineering - had heard so much about this program that I finally succumbed to my curiosity. Am also in a transition phase in my career and thought I had done so much of outer Engineering - Education, Networking, continuous learning of techniques and tools so felt it is time for some Inner Engineering. A three and a half day investment seemed quite appropriate as well at the Isha Centre in a scenic setting near Coimbatore. Here are some key learnings and insights for the ones interested….. First, it is a completely new journey into a realm that is beyond our normal logical, questioning mind. It calls for a leap of faith into a new dimension not easily explained by the axioms we are so familiar with in day to day life. However, it is done in a very "secular", non denominational, non-religious manner without pushing you too much. So well packaged and marketed in my view!! Second, it is an intense program both mentally and physically. You are in the program 24 hrs...
Very true... I am sure many readers would have come across most of these instances on a regular basis.. (Point No 2 is the best of the lot.. :) )
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